Update

howdy folks,
i'll be right back after i turn on my inspirational tunes....ok, back. so, what is new? i think it is weird that i actually ask questions has if someone would audiably answer me back. things have been great lately. i hate how conditional i can be though. i guess that is like all of us though.
i have a dr. appt. tomorrow and i have a strong feeling that i am going to be put on a strict diet. it sounds weird, i am sure, but i am emotionally attached to food. i went to perkins tonight and ate nothing but food that i knew would make me feel horrible about myself later on. why do i do stuff i know i will regret no more than an hour after i do it?
i don't want to be chubby all my life. i want to feel attractive and have confidence in myself. i was telling my cousin the other day that i have a very unhealthy understanding of what beauty truly is.somewhere in my brain there has grown an impression that although i am overweight i am not pretty and have nothing to offer a man.
in general i think my self-esteem could be better. i know everyone has off days. days where they do not feel at their best but mine come to often for it to be normal. i don't think i am pretty and my worth is decided by people. i thrive after compliments and since they do not hold a lasting effect i long for more. i imagine that it is equivalent to drug addicts' longing for a drug to fill them.
it was not my intention to write about that but that is ok. i needed to write about it. i hope that i can let go of food one of these days and focus on my relationship with Christ to lift me up and complete me instead of low -budget fast food value meal that i more, often than not, end up not enjoying as much as i thought i would.